"...Excuse me?"
My voice dropped an octave.
"Huh? What's with that attitude?"
For a second the man on the other end sounded like he'd flinched.
Too late.
Something inside me was fully awake now.
"Sir."
My voice was going cold as ice.
"What was it you just said?"
"Huh? Said what?"
"That my parents are grieving in the next world."
"You made a joke out of my parents. Correct?"
"So what if I did..."
His voice was audibly rattled.
Ms. Onizuka, our trainer, was waving both hands with the color gone from her face. Apparently it meant "stop" and "do not talk back."
But I wasn't stopping.
"Sir, may I ask you something?"
"Do you have parents?"
"Huh? Why the hell would you..."
"They're alive, yes? Your parents."
"Obviously."
"I see."
I took a deep breath.
"Then please call those precious parents of yours. Right now."
"What?"
"And say this to them. 'I have just made a joke out of a total stranger's dead parents.'"
"The hell is that..."
"If you can't say it, that means you know perfectly well that what you're doing is shameful. Doesn't it?"
The line went silent.
"Sir?"
"Ngh..."
"Or should I be the one to call your parents and tell them their son has a shit personality? Would that be fine with you?"
"Because that is exactly what you just did to me."
My delivery had shifted into my usual stream mode.
"You order something, it doesn't show up within twelve hours, so you rage about it, tear apart the character of the person handling your call, and then mock her dead parents."
"If your own parents saw you like that, what do you suppose they'd think?"
"..."
"'Where did we go wrong raising this boy?' They'd be heartbroken, wouldn't they?"
"Shut up!"
"Oh dear. Did I hit it right on the nose?"
After a long silence, a small voice came down the line.
"Sorry... I'm sorry..."
Click.
He hung up.
The training room was dead quiet.
I set down the receiver and took a long breath.
God, that felt good.
"Tanaka..."
Ms. Onizuka's voice was shaking.
"That was amazing... ♪"
[Three days later]
By then I was already an urban legend at the call center.
After that first awakening, I ignored the apologize-forever method entirely and met every complainer head-on, in earnest.
Unreasonable demands got a logical counterattack. Attacks on my character got handled calmly.
And then something strange started happening.
The callers who came in screaming would, over the course of talking with me, start letting their real feelings slip.
"The truth is, work's been piling stress on me."
"Things aren't going well at home."
"I've got nobody to talk to."
Before I knew it, the complaint calls had turned into life advice.
And now plenty of people were calling in and asking for me by name. "I want Tanaka to hear me out."
"Tanaka, another request call for you."
A colleague said it apologetically.
"He says 'there's no point talking to anyone but Tanaka.'"
"Right. Our usual gentleman."
Brrring...
"Hello, this is Tanaka."
"T-Tanaka..."
For some reason the voice on the other end was feeble.
"Good to hear from you. My regular."
"Regular? Am I... calling that much?"
"You are. This makes seven."
"That many..."
I gave a wry smile.
"At the start it was 'you bitch' this and 'shit' that, nonstop. You've gotten steadily more polite."
"Listen... Tanaka."
"Yes?"
"I can't sleep at night lately..."
"Oh dear. What's the matter?"
"I keep thinking about what you said to me..."
"The stuff I said. That was about as low as it gets, wasn't it..."
I gripped the receiver tighter.
"It was. It was genuinely about as low as it gets."
"Urk."
"But you've admitted it and you're sorry for it, and that's one of the important things a person can do."
"..."
"Nobody's perfect. What matters is what you do the moment you realize you were wrong."
"...Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Tanaka."
Click.
The Complaint Demon King has gone and imprinted on me...
[One week later, final day]
"Tanaka. Thank you. Truly."
The entire staff lined up and bowed deeply.
"Because of you, this workplace has become heaven."
"Heaven is a strong word..."
"We call it the Tanaka Method now. Everyone's studying it."
The Tanaka Method?
"Point out the contradiction in what they're saying, logically, and then at the end, stand beside them as a person."
"That reforms most complainers ♪"
"Maybe they don't actually want to complain. Maybe they just want somebody to listen... ♪"
Ms. Onizuka went on, beaming.
"I'm glad I could help."
"But your technique can't be copied all the way, Tanaka ♪"
"Why not?"
"Because it comes across that you genuinely care about the person ♪ You can't fake that ♪"
"I-is that so."
"Tell me, Tanaka. Do you do 'life advice' regularly, by any chance? ...Hmm? ♪"
"No, no. I'd never take on anything that troublesome... ahaha."
[Back home]
"Nice work, big sis."
Yui met me at the door, smiling.
"Yui... I made it. All the way through complaint-handling hell..."
"Nice work! You grew a lot, right?"
I thought back over it.
A week ago, sure. Being yelled at by someone unreasonable would have made me shrink into myself.
Not anymore.
Now I can analyze their argument calmly, find the hole in it, and in the end face them as one person to another.
"Well... maybe I picked up a little confidence."
"But we still haven't seen what the Captain can really do."
Yui's face turned serious.
"She's got psychological technique way past this, I'm sure of it. There's something in her this training alone won't cover."
"...Yeah. Figures."
"Yep. But it's fine. You've still got room to grow, big sis."
Yui laughed a little.
"There's still things we can do with the time that's left."
I nodded.
"Yeah. I'll do it. I want to evolve further."
I closed my hand into a fist.
"Because I don't want... to disappoint the Captain."
"That thing about you, big sis..."
Yui narrowed her eyes a little, started to say something, and stopped.
"Huh? Did you say something?"
"Nothing. Right, next up is the stream!"
◇
On that night's stream, they told me I looked more dependable than usual.
my lady's voice has a real spine to it today oink
feels like her mental got shock absorbers installed oink
"Huh. You lot pay attention. I did a little training, that's all."
training...!?
my lady!? training!? where!? with who!?
what kind of training? roasting? meditation? fasting?
"Trade secret. But the fight with the Captain? You'd better be watching."
i-is this... my lady declaring she's serious oink!?
does that mean she's gonna beat the Captain too!?
agh my heart rate's already glitching out oink...
"Heh. I'm the one who's nervous here, you know."
whaaaaaaaaat! surprise cuteness attack oink!!
i wanna hug her and the nerves along with her oink!
we'll each take 100 grams of my lady's anxiety off her hands oink!
"Still as disgusting as ever, you people..."
I let a beat pass, then dropped my voice a little.
"But... thank you. Really. You're holding me up."
GYAAAAAAAH!
that tone of voice is illegal oink!
my brain's melting into chashu oink!
"If all of you turn into chashu, who's going to cheer? Pull yourselves together."
yes oink! standing by as loin cut oink!
converting every gram of fat into cheering oink!
grilled or braised, we're following you oink!
"Heh... nothing but idiots, honestly. But."
I spoke straight into the screen.
"Having this herd of perverts as my people... it's not half bad, actually."
UUWAAAAAAAAAAAH!
is this... a confession oink!?
just confirmed it, i'm glad i'll be a pig in my next life oink!
she called us her people... carving that on my gravestone oink
"Stop that. It's too early to be talking about gravestones."
then we'll stay alive and cheer oink!
we'll burn the sight of you butchering the Captain into our eyes oink!
"Yes. Leave it to me. I'll carry you pigs' expectations up there and show you."
Tonight, I was sitting up a little straighter.
After the stream, late at night, a DM notification chimed.
The sender: Seira Hououin.
Two weeks from now. I'm looking forward to it. You preparing properly, Landmine Princess?
I thought for a moment, then wrote back.
A little. So I wouldn't get complacent if I were you, Captain.
The reply came straight back.
Good. This is getting fun on my end too. I'll meet you with everything I've got.
I put the phone down and looked up at the ceiling.
This woman isn't just strong.
She's in a position where winning is a given, and yet she keeps reaching out like this.
She's actually looking at me.
...She's probably a very kind person.
But there's a trace of something else, too. She gives off the same scent I do.
Maybe she's been alone this whole time as well.
Which is exactly why I want to face her with everything I have.
How this woman fights.
How she lives.
And how she laughs.
I honestly wanted to know more.
So this showdown isn't just a battle.
It's a conversation, I think, to find out who we actually are.
I closed the screen quietly and took a deep breath.
◇ ◇ ◇
In a dark room, only the light of an aquarium wavered dimly.
The swaying blue glow threw countless shadows on the wall.
In front of it, a woman sat staring at her phone.
The Captain. Seira Hououin.
She read the message that had just come in from YUICA over and over.
After a while her mouth softened. Slightly. Barely at all.
It was the kind of smile a stray breeze leaves behind.
The next moment the light shifted again on the water's surface.
The shadows shifted too.
In the quiet, empty room, only the tank's light and her shadow drifted.
And she, alone, stared into nothing.
Finally.
Maybe I'm about to meet someone who understands me.
The moment she thought it, to her own surprise—
something deep in her chest went a little warm.
But.
She couldn't let herself lean on that warmth. Not yet.
Seira closed her eyes and drew a deep breath.
And quietly put the smile away.
Next: The Loneliness of Seira Hououin