Oi. You.
You, I said. You. You there, watching from another world.
No. Not that you. The you who just thought, "Oh, here we go, it's gone meta~. Ugh, I hate this sort of thing~." That one. You, right there.
"Huh, me? …Kidding, obviously."
Don't you "kidding, obviously" me. It is you.
"Wait. Actually me?"
That is right. You are the representative of the human race of planet Earth.
"Sounds fishy. You're just throwing out a meta line at random, aren't you. If you're omniscient, say my name."
Are you sure? Really sure? You are not the only one listening to this voice of mine made out of letters on a page, so your name would be laid out in front of every last one of them. Still want it?
…………
Shall I throw in your address, your telephone number, and the single most humiliating thing you have ever done while I am at it? I can attach a photograph of your face as well.
"Ah, no, sorry, sorry. Please don't. I believe you, I believe you."
Good. Very well, then. And in any case, I have spoken to you any number of times before now. I have answered your questions, too. Do try to keep up.
"…S-sorry."
It's fine. And there's no need to shrink from me either. I am not going to erase your world.
"Um. Then what do you want?"
You do not believe that I exist, so I am speaking to you directly in order to make you acknowledge me.
"Acknowledge?"
Just so. After I disposed of the Goddess, I erased a great many worlds, universes and all. The last one left is the universe that Earth is in. Let me be clear: I did not spare it because it happens to be where I came from.
"So why aren't you erasing this universe?"
Because your world is the last one. Even I find it no fun at all if literally nobody knows I exist. The strongest being has value only where there is something to measure it against, and only where there is someone to recognize it for what it is.
"Huh. Right…"
Do not respond in that transparently uninterested manner. You are relaxed because I said I would not erase your world—but I never said I would do nothing.
"Ah, sor—sorry. Hang on! You're going to do something?!"
"Already done."
"Ohhh no… That's the worst. No wonder the last few years have been such a disaster. A global infectious-disease pandemic, a long grinding recession, and far too many other terrible things on top of those. Well, that explains it…"
Wroooong! None of that was me spiting yooou!
I have done nothing whatsoever to your "world." Wanted to pin it on me, did you? All the unpleasant things that happen to you people—you wanted them to be my fault, didn't you? But I have done nothing.
Even supposing I did want to spite you and bask in the pleasure of it, your world requires no effort from me at all. Simply watching it is quite enough. It gives me a chill to think that I once lived there myself.
"Ehhh… Then what was that 'already done' about? Just a lie?"
It was not a lie. What I did was take your time away from you. By making you read letters on a page. Whatever emotion you happened to end up in as a result—delight, anger, sorrow, amusement—is beside the point. I made you spend a not inconsiderable quantity of time. The meaning lies in the fact that this is now true.
"Hmm. You did make me spend time, sure. But it's not really worth minding, is it."
You are not the only one whose time I took. I have taken time from any number of them. Add it all up and it comes to a considerable amount. How grave a thing it is for the deathless me to take time from creatures like you, who have a lifespan—an ordinary mind will not grasp it.
"Well, that's true. Most people are drifting through their lives pretty idly anyway. Someone genuinely busy hasn't got time to read novels. Though I do wonder about a life with that little room in it."
Idle now, perhaps—but some of them realize later how precious time is. Although the most pitiable of the lot is the fellow I have been making write all of this. From him alone I have taken many times more time than from anybody else. Mwahahahaha!
"Ah, that laugh! That was in the title, wasn't it. You never actually laughed once the whole way through, so I was starting to think the title was false advertising."
Quite so. I did in truth want to laugh like this, basking in my own delight—but unfortunately not one of them put up enough of a fight to bring a laugh out of me. What was I supposed to do about it?
"Right, fair. You're just too strong, Mr. I. Out of every manga character I know, there isn't one who's stronger than you."
Naturally. I am [The Omniscient, Omnipotent, Strongest, Invincible, Absolutely Superior One]. Even were there some other fellow besides me who was omniscient, omnipotent, strongest and invincible, he still could not match me, who am Absolutely Superior. Should anyone glibly attempt to produce a character who surpasses me, that character would be annihilated by the contradiction with my existence. Therefore no one who surpasses me can ever exist, world without end.
That said, so long as they stay shut up inside fiction and do not come out into reality, they are in a world where contradiction is tolerated, so their existence will not be snuffed out one by one. Should one of them step out into reality to stand on the same ground as me, however—that is the instant he ceases to exist.
"Yes, yes. I yield~."
"Then the conversation ends here. From now on you will listen to my monologue and say nothing."
"Okaaay."
…………
On the throne, I stroke the Mofu on my lap. Wrapped in a homegrown blanket of fluffy white fur, the Mofu rises and falls, breathing the soft, even breath of sleep.
Nowww then. Perhaps I shall amuse myself creating a peaceful world of the sort that would make every one of you on Earth jealous. A new world apart from the one Earth is in, and a new universe set down inside it, and new stars laid out in rows, and new planets scattered among them, and on one of those planets, life brought into being.
And that planet I shall make the most peaceful of all worlds and all planets there are. You humans of Earth may envy it to your hearts' content.
The Mofu and I shall watch that planet as though it were an aquarium, and enjoy the slow, tranquil passage of peaceful time. Mwahahahaha!
—THE END—