My Castle is about to receive a visitor.
He will show himself in the throne room in about five minutes.
Now then. The throne room where I spend my days is a plain affair.
A carpet laid between the throne and the door, and that is about the extent of it—no paintings, no pots.
I have no interest in ornamentation of that sort, but decorating the throne room now and again by way of welcoming a visitor is not the worst idea.
So I snapped my fingers elegantly and redid the throne room.
Along the walls, mahogany chests now stood between the windows, each bearing a large golden pot.
The crimson carpet running down the center of the room was lined along both edges with diamonds, set without a gap between them.
And overhead, a sumptuous, enormous chandelier.
"Well, Mofu? Now our visitor is certain to weep with gratitude at the warmth of my welcome."
"Pu, pu."
The Mofu rubbed its soft, fluffy coat against me to signal its agreement.
"Quite so, quite so."
Just then, the throne room door eased slowly open.
Following the muscular arms that had pushed the double doors apart back to their owner, what I found was a pot floating in midair. A brown, lumpy, thoroughly antique-looking pot.
"Oh dear, oh dear. What a shabby pot. You are badly out of place here."
The pot came into the room, drew its muscular arms back inside itself, and drifted over to a spot in front of me.
"Quite the extravagant room. Tells you how much you've plundered from people."
"Dummy. I produced all of this out of nothing with my omnipotence just now."
Pot Guy, who had been counting on my being startled that an ordinary pot moved and talked of its own accord, was the one left flinching at my unexpected reply.
"Omnipotence? What are you?!"
"I am [The Omniscient, Omnipotent, Strongest, Invincible, Absolutely Superior One]. Which is why I know that you are a reincarnate, and that you used the Goddess's Gift, [The Power to Have Any One Wish Granted], to become [an all-purpose being that can produce anything]."
He used the Goddess's Gift at the moment of reincarnation—and though he was slated to be reincarnated as a human, the fool phrased his wish so badly that he came out a pot.
The one saving grace is that by tacking on "all-purpose," he can float about and speak despite being a pot.
Being a pot he looks fragile, but he can harden himself, and repair himself if he breaks.
"What even is that. Omniscient and omnipotent—that's basically a god."
The pot's muffled voice came echoing up out of that pitch-black hole.
"No, I am a being beyond even a god. A god only ever gets as far as omniscient and omnipotent. I am [The Omniscient, Omnipotent, Strongest, Invincible, Absolutely Superior One], so obviously I am the higher of the two."
The pot spun end over end and rocked from side to side, making a show of racking its brains.
It need not have bothered; every one of the pot's thoughts is open to me.
"If you're omniscient, does that mean you know what I came here to do too?"
"Yes, of course. I can also see that, having had everything about yourself named correctly, you have decided the omnipotent and strongest and invincible parts are probably true as well—and I can see that, if they are, you have no chance of winning, so you are busy working out how to run away."
"Ugh! Any chance you'd let me off?"
"No."
Immediate answer.
Even supposing he ran, a monolith would come down on wherever he ran to. Letting him go here would be utterly meaningless.
"Oi, pot. I said a moment ago that this room's furnishings were 'produced out of nothing with my omnipotence just now'—well, I did it in order to receive you. Do you intend to throw that kindness back in my face?"
"W-well, when you put it that way...... I guess I can't very well go home."
"Indeed not."
"But, um...... isn't attacking someone who's shown you kindness even ruder?"
"I welcome it. Striking you down for trying is precisely what I have been looking forward to."
"Uhh...... doesn't that mean I don't need to show you any courtesy at all?"
Finally caught on, has he.
I redid the throne room in the first place in order to sneer at Pot Guy as an out-of-place piece of junk. There is not a shred of kindness in it.
"There is no need whatsoever to show me courtesy. Whatever I say to you, do as you please. I simply will not let you escape, and your fortunes run out here. That is all there is to it."
"I see......"
The pot spun around every which way and steeled itself.
"You get fifteen minutes. Attack as much as you like. In fifteen minutes I break you. Completely."
On receiving this pronouncement, the pot began attacking me at once.
Incidentally, I put my pet Mofu away for the duration.
What the pot brought out of its mouth were robotic arms fitted with heavy-looking machine guns. Three of them.
It trained all three black-gleaming muzzles on me and poured rounds into me all at once.
It scattered thunderous noise around for a good thirty seconds and could not put a single scratch on me.
"Not working."
"I'm just getting started!"
Next an enormously thick cannon barrel sprouted out of the pot's mouth, and an enormous shell fired out of it.
It struck me squarely and went off in a great explosion, and still there was not a scratch on my body. Not so much as a smudge on my cheap-looking shirt, in fact.
"Next, pleeease."
"Tch!"
The next attack was a nuclear bomb. The long, narrow, egg-shaped thing shot out of the pot's mouth and dropped to the floor.
In that instant the throne room filled with savage light and heat and sound.
Naturally, not a scrap of damage got through to me.
The pot, meanwhile, had tucked itself away inside a black nuclear-blast-proof box, and popped its face out once the explosion had died down.
"Not working."
Well—the chandelier and the golden pots and so forth did get blown to pieces.
"Is that so. Then how about this!"
The pot produced a transparent ultra-heat-resistant sheet, wrapped itself in it, then turned its mouth toward the floor and began pouring out magma.
The throne room, window glass included, has been set to an absolutely invincible state, so not even magma burns or scorches it.
Naturally I took no damage and felt nothing at all.
I have not moved a muscle this entire time.
I do not sneeze, but if I did, it would probably move my body more than anything this one has thrown at me.
The magma pooled higher and higher in the room until at last it had filled the throne room completely.
It was ruining the pot's visibility, so out of kindness I made the magma disappear.
"I do not burn and I do not suffocate."
"Th-then I'll try the opposite!"
This time it spat liquid nitrogen out of its mouth, sprinkling white haze over my head for all it was worth.
Naturally, far from taking damage, I did not even feel cold.
Sensing as much, it switched the liquid nitrogen for vapor. All manner of bacteria were mixed into it.
I am perfectly capable of not breathing, but I made a point of inhaling every bit of it.
"Sterilized it inside my body."
"No way...... I'm out of options......"
"One minute left."
"Daaaaamn it!"
It wheeled about as though turning on its heel and flew for the entrance of the room at speed.
Two thick arms sprouted out of the pot and hauled at the doors.
The doors did not budge in the slightest.
"Giving up on defeating me with a whole minute still left? Running is pointless."
They had not budged for magma or for a nuclear detonation; there was never any chance of a pot opening them at will.
The windows do not break either, naturally.
The pot pulled its arms back in and extended a black shadow out of its mouth, flattening it into a square panel.
A warp gate. It intended to escape by magical means.
The pot dove into it.
And passed clean through the warp gate without going anywhere.
"Right, time's up."
In that instant, the floating pot was broken down to its atoms.
Broken down to atoms, not a fragment of its original properties as a substance remains.
He was no longer a pot, and no longer even the material a pot is made of, so there was no repairing him.
Not that erasing the repair ability and the all-purpose nature themselves is beyond me—but destroying him was possible without going to that trouble, so that is what I did.
I dropped onto Nation U, the pot's homeland, a monolith—a twenty-kilometer black object cut to the shape of the country.
Kinder than dropping magma on them, surely. A little gratitude would be appreciated.